US/Slovenia: First Half

Another US game, another chance to drink before noon. Let's dive right in:

• When I said 'another chance to drink before noon,' I really meant 'another chance to drink before 7am.' Just sayin.
• Alexi Lalas haircut alert. Good. Less to distract me from the hate he's spewing.
• Jose Torres getting the start in the midfield for Old Glory. Now, let me ask you...separated at birth?
• HERRRRRRRRRRRRES VUVUZELA!
• US fans spotted so far: dude in a spacesuit, dude holding massive cardboard cut-out of Abraham Lincoln. God, no wonder no one likes us. We're obnoxious. And it's sweet.
• Injured Slovenian in the first 15 seconds courtesy of a Dempsey NBA Jam 'bow. If you can't beat 'em... literally beat them.
• Tim Howard looking good early in that no ribs have punctured his jersey yet.
• US defense looking about as solid as a wet paper bag/the prospects of Katie Perry's lasting appeal.
• GOAL (13'): CHARLIE BROWN 1-0 UNITED STATES OF HUH? Strong strike from Linus from the top of the circle. Michael Howard-Phelps looked oh-so-spritely in not moving, even just a little bit, towards the ball. Bonus asshole points to Slovenia celebrating the goal with the Napoleon Dynamite Happy Hands Dance.
• Onyewu looking to popularize one-legged defending. Slovenia, at least, is feelin' it.
• Torres rips a free to towards the near post in the 36th minute which gets turned away at the last second. It's alive!!!
• Findley misses the next game because of a yellow taken on an apparently illegal face-ball. A wonderful piece of officiating.
• GOAL(41'): ASSCLOWNS 2-0 BIGGER ASSCLOWNS Yup.
• HALF Check my pulse in 20 minutes.